Pain awareness month takes place in September 2024, and ironically, it’s due to chronic pain that it’s taken me ¾ of the month in to write a post about it! It is estimated that 43% of adults (just under 28 million people) currently live with a degree of chronic pain in the United Kingdom. As well as it’s impact on daily aspects of life like the ability to work, it also affects doing basic activities like walking or sleeping. The emotional toll of this cannot be overstated, chronic pain often leads to feelings of frustration and despair, anxiety, loneliness and depression.
The Hidden Emotional Burdens of Chronic Pain:
The invisible nature of chronic pain can acutely affect a person’s mental health. The pressure of having to appear ‘okay’ when the pain is taking all of your mental energy, the constant fear and anxiety of the pain getting worse or being afraid to do something in case it makes it worse, the frustration of not being able to show up how you want to or missing out on doing things you love can all lead to heightened levels of anxiety and depression in people who experience chronic pain. As people living with pain often already feel like a burden for not being able to do things physically, the emotional toll of living with pain can be pushed down to not be any more ‘trouble’ than they already are. This can lead to feelings of shame and guilt which perpetuates the vicious cycles of anxiety and depression. When we refuse to grant space for the emotional toll that pain takes, we are unconsciously telling ourselves that we aren’t good enough, and that we should be ‘able to cope’ and this add to our feelings of shame.
The Loneliness of Pain – Some of My Experience:
Unless you have experienced some form of chronic pain, you will never truly understand it. Nobody with chronic pain would ever wish for someone else to be in pain, but long for someone to be able to understand how it makes them feel emotionally.
“Living with chronic pain is hard, but dealing with those who don’t care or understand is harder”- Unknown
At a basic level, humans crave connection and understanding. Pain gets in the way of both. Being unable to live how you want because of your pain, and not being truly understood can feel extremely isolating. Despair creeps in and you wonder “will it always be like this?”.
I have lived with chronic pain for about 8 years now. I’m lucky in that generally its on the lower end of a pain scale, however when it flares up, it hugely affects my ability to live life normally.
These last few months, my pain has been increasing and I’ve been struggling emotionally to not let it get the better of me and make me moody and bitter. Recently, I had a small fall which has unfortunately, made my pain incredibly uncomfortable. I’m not used to the pain being at such a high level for longer periods of time and it is affecting my ability to get what I want to do, done (hence why I’m writing this blog 3 weeks into pain awareness month!).
I’ve also noticed how lonely it is making me in a couple of different ways. Firstly, I can’t contribute to my family life how I normally would. A two-mile round trip walk last week left me in tears when I got home, where as normally I love to get out for a chat and a walk with my husband. I can’t do my usual cleaning routine around the house or lift things, and I am constantly asking for more help that I would normally. It’s frustrating for me, and I feel like a burden.
I also feel like I’m making my family miss out on things because I can’t take part, so we aren’t doing them. This makes me feel guilty and quite frankly, sad. I feel the frustration coming at me when I say no to things, even though I want to say yes. But I equally feel frustrated that I have to say no, and that others don’t understand that I’m not saying no for the fun of it! Family and friends can unintentionally contribute to these feelings of frustration and loneliness, as they can only understand so much, and their own feelings and frustrations are also valid.
Breaking the Silence – Seeking Connection:
Holding in the feelings surrounding pain can add to the emotional burden of it all. If you want to scream “I’m in pain” to air out the frustration you are feeling but don’t, where does it go? It builds and builds into a shadow of frustration, shame and guilt that weighs down on top of the pain. You are being hit from all angles.
This is why it is so important to express your feelings and share your experiences in relation to pain. If you feel that you can’t open up at home, there are a plethora of outside sources you can connect with. Social media, real life support groups or online groups are great ways of connecting with individuals with shared experiences of pain. Whilst everyone has their own unique experience with pain, often the emotional experiences have similar themes. Even when it feels difficult, know that you aren’t alone in these feelings and there are others there to connect with.
The Role of Therapy in Coping with Pain:
Therapy is an excellent resource for those living with chronic pain. In practical terms, approaches such as CBT or mindfulness can be great ways of learning to manage pain in the here and now. Learning new coping strategies such as reframing thoughts around pain, introducing mindfulness techniques to focus on being present rather than being carried by pain, and applying behavioural changes around your current coping skills can all help you to cope practically day-to-day.
However, therapy can also help you to gain a new understanding of your strengths, your ability to cope, set boundaries with others, learn to advocate for yourself, and feel confident in seeking connection with others. These emotional changes can have just as much, if not more, of an impact than the practical changes you implement.
Conclusion:
As we come towards the end of pain awareness month, it’s important to recognise that pain is not just a physical experience, it has profound emotional repercussions that affect a person’s quality of life. The isolating nature of pain can have a lasting effect on our day to day lives, relationships and future goals. Continuing to break the silence, seek connection and support can help us move towards a more understanding environment for anyone living with pain.
If you are considering therapy to get support for living with chronic pain and you have any questions about how we might work together, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’m always here to help.
Kirsty x
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